California's Lonely
by Natushka-86
Summary: BillKaren: She never expected to feel like this


**Title:** California's Lonely  
**Author:** Nat  
**Summary:** _She never expected to feel like this_  
**Fandom:** 24  
**Pairing:** Bill/Karen  
**Ratings:** PG  
**Spoilers:** General Start of season 6 spoilers  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.  
**A/N:** All mistakes are mine, is totally un-beta-ed.

---

She still hasn't gotten used to the weather in DC, it's surprisingly cool, like a chill that works its way into your system until you feel frozen inside and out, or maybe it's just because she doesn't have that other warm body in bed with her anymore to ward the cold away.

Politics, she's decided, isn't all it's cracked up to be.

She dreams of LA, and heat waves and Bill.

She misses the way his fingers tangle with hers, the way he tugs her closer, pulling her in with that shy boyish smile of his. The way his blue eyes sparkle, a tell tale sign that she's going to end up naked and breathless.

She doesn't know how much longer she can do this.

---

He surprises her on her birthday by showing up in DC after knowing she couldn't get home to celebrate with him.

She finds him waiting for her in her office when she comes from a tedious meeting, with a tad of homicide in her eyes and god… He was the answer before she even knew the question and he looked so good sitting on the edge of her desk, hands in his pockets. Tie missing, his white dress shirt was open at the collar and all the frustrations of the day just melted away when she closed the door.

Bill smiles at her softly and leans down to kiss her check (ever the gentleman), but she has different ideas and meets him halfway, their lips colliding. She moves in fast and greedily as her tongue slides against his.

She forgets everything then, and just feels, her body humming.

The Shrill buzz of the intercom in her office drags her from the sexual haze in her head and that's when she realises that now she's the one sitting on her desk and Bill is standing between her legs, his hands pushing her skirt up past mid thigh while his tongue swirls around her earlobe then nips with a hint of teeth.

Her assistant's voice flows over the intercom informing her about a call on line four, so she leans back hitting the intercom button telling her assistant to take a message.

When she looks back at Bill, he has this guilty look on his face, like they're 16 again and have just been caught making out by someone's parents.

She presses her forehead against his and breathes deep.

He is going to get her into so much trouble.

---

Usually they don't speak during the day unless its work related, so when she steps out of a cabinet meeting and she has three missed calls from him, fear grips her slightly because she knows there are no scheduled briefings or check ins with CTU today.

So either there is some kind of situation going on they don't know about or it's something personal.

She doesn't know which it is, that makes her grip her cell phone tighter.

She hates this feeling, knowing that if there is something wrong that she isn't there, and can't be for a matter of hours, knowing she's miles away and can't do anything for him.

"Buchanan"

"Bill" she breathes, he answered his cell so that's a start.

---

She doesn't know how she ever slept alone.

They haven't even been together for more than a year and prior to that she'd been sleeping alone, at first the additional body heat drove her nuts, and the arms and legs invading her personal space, pulling her in tightly and keeping her close left her feeling claustrophobic and sleepless for weeks.

God and now she can't sleep without his leg between hers, or his hand wrapped around her, lips pressed against the base of her neck.

Its scares her sometimes how hard and fast she became dependant on him.

For the first week she's in DC, she sleeps on the couch in her apartment Homeland gave her and Bill talks her to sleep.

---

The day she hears it's finally official, the Chinese have Jack Bauer, she pulls all kinds of strings to get home to Bill.

Strings she's pretty sure she shouldn't be pulling or even have the power to pull, but she makes it home on dusk after calling CTU after she landed, to see where he was ("I'm sorry Miss Hayes, Mr Buchanan has already left for the afternoon").

The house is dark when she walks in and deathly silent. She drops her keys next to Bills on the small table in the entryway and her heels click on the tiles and echo throughout the house as she moves.

She finds him in their bedroom, sitting on the end of the bed, his face in his hands. They all knew that it was the Chinese who was responsible for Jack's disappearance, but hearing it officially, made it solid, made it real, made the possibility of getting him back near to impossible.

He looks up at her when she covers his hands with hers, if he's surprised that she's here, he doesn't show it, all she can see in his eyes is guilt and that makes her heart break for him. He pulls her in between his legs, wrapping his arms around her, his face buried against her stomach.

She doesn't know what to do to make this better, so she just holds him tight all night as he rides out the guilt raging inside of him.

---

Four weeks.

She hasn't seen him in four weeks, between all kinds of chaos and disaster that has kept her in DC, she can't wait to leave and return to LA for a long weekend of recuperation and rest, god she can't get on a plane fast enough.

Bill already has a hot bubble bath ready for her when she walks in the door and joins her in the bathroom a few minutes later with a glass of red wine.

He sits on the steps leading up to the bath and tells her the latest tales from the ongoing love triangle that is Milo/Chloe/Morris and she loves the easy placed smile that's on his lips as he retells their latest office antics.

His hand ends up dipping into the water, resting on her knee, his fingertips tracing lazy patterns on her bare skin, and god, she hasn't felt his hands on her skin in weeks and it's enough to send her heart beat sky high and make her breath catch in her throat.

When his hand slides higher on the inside of her thigh she drags him into the tub and they make a mess of the bathroom.

---

She doesn't want to go.

She thought she could do this, but not now, not with the reality of thousands of miles of nothing between them, it makes her tighten her grip on Bill's hand just a little more.

God, and he's not making this any easier.

He looks so good beside her, business suit gone and replaced by jeans and a t-shirt, her carry-on luggage slung over his shoulder. He looks younger, more boyish and it makes her heart flutter in her chest, even though they've been together for just over a year.

Looking at him like this, it makes her want to change her mind, to be completely content with her position with Homeland Security and to tell herself she doesn't need the added stress of what being the National Security Advisor to the President will bring.

Makes her wish they both just worked some average 9-5 job.

But they don't and she knows this, they both do and they both agreed they'd always put their work first and they were ok with that. Sometimes she hates that he's so understanding about all of this, about only seeing her every other weekend, about the late night phone calls that are bound to happen, about the frequent flyer miles they're going to rack up.

Deep down she wishes he'd just turn to her and tell her not to go.

But he won't, because he's not that guy, because he loves her and supports her and because he's proud of her (even though it's tearing them apart). And that… that makes this so much harder for her, because he is that guy.

When her boarding announcement is called she doesn't know what to say, god and she can't even look him in the eye in fear of changing her mind completely. But Bill's finger under her chin lifts her eyes to meet his and his gaze is steady and strong and it makes her believe they can survive this.

"I love you"

And it's the only words she can manage.

"I love you more"

He kisses her then, and it's soft and warm and makes her want to cry, she can feel the tears stinging her eyes and before Bill can see, she breaks away grapping her bag, then turning and making her way towards the gate.

She never expected to feel like this.


End file.
